3 Things Narcissistic Abuse Destroys

Narcissistic abuse is abuse carried out specifically by a narcissist or someone with a narcissist personality disorder. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a narcissist is "an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance." According to an article in Psychology Today, an abusive narcissist may feel shame at not living up to the ideal of himself he imagines, so he uses abuse as a form of defense or to prop himself up. I am not a therapist, a counselor, or an expert in narcissistic abuse, but I have seen first-hand the long-lasting mental and emotional damage a narcissist can inflict. 

I will soon be taking a class on abuse and would like to share what I learn in a few blog posts, so I will write more about identifying this kind of abuse later. But first, here are 3 things narcissistic abuse destroys. A narcissist can be either male or female, but for the purposes of this article, I will use the example of a male narcissist in a relationship with a woman. 

1. Narcissistic abuse destroys trust.

There are two elements to this destruction. First, the narcissist rips away their victim's trust in themselves and in their ability to correctly perceive and understand reality. A narcissist will play with their victim's mind, lying to them and twisting things to make it seem like it is always the victim's fault. She is the one making things up and "crazy" or "too insecure" etc. 

The narcissist continually makes his victim question her observations of reality, including the behavior of the narcissist. The narcissist will continually lie about and deny her reality. The narcissist will tell their victim she is over-reacting and that it is her reality that is faulty. She is left doubting herself, constantly wondering if she is wrong about her perceptions. This doubt only makes it harder for her to leave the relationship because she is not sure what she is experiencing is real abuse. 

Second, the narcissist destroys their victim's ability to trust other people. Having been lied to so consistently, the victim is now prone to doubting everyone. Her difficulty trusting her own perception of reality multiplies her doubt about whether someone is actually telling her the truth. If she catches someone in a lie, memories of her abuse can come flooding back and she now doubts everything that person ever said to them. The damage to the victim's trust causes severe mental anguish. 

2. Narcissistic abuse destroys self-worth.

Since a narcissist is only interested in himself, he does not value the person he is with. His exaggerated sense of self-importance thrives off making the other person feel like she will be worthless without him. This causes her to simultaneously lose her sense of self-worth and makes her feel dependent upon him. He may make comments such as, "you could never get another guy like me," "no one else would date you because you behave like this" or other demeaning comments.

The narcissist's actions also deny her worth and value. He may purposefully do things that bother her and then laugh at her when she gets upset or makes her feel guilty for "over-reacting" and not "accepting this is just the way it is." His constant manipulation of her emotions wears her down making her feel she is the one with a problem. She can become addicted to him, craving the rare times he affirms her. The narcissist will always put his needs before the needs of her, finding ways to manipulate her to always get what he wants. 

3. Narcissistic abuse destroys health.

Being mentally and emotionally abused is also destructive to the body. Victims of narcissistic abuse can suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts, consistent nightmares, extreme fatigue, shaking, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and loss of appetite. Emily and Amelia Nagosaki write in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, that emotions manifest physically and must complete a cycle before leaving the body. Mental and emotional abuse victims experience chronic stress that can build up in their bodies resulting in their bodies manifesting their stress in ways such as those described above. 

Victims often get stuck in the middle of this stress cycle, reliving their abuse over and over again. This can cause serious damage to the brain, especially if the victim does not get help. The overall effects on the victim's bodily health are serious and result in a low-quality of life, hopelessness, and general malaise. Just as physical abuse is damaging to the victim's mind and emotions, mental and emotional abuse is damaging to the victim's body.  

The above list is not exhaustive, but I hope it gives you a glimpse into what narcissistic abuse does to a person. It should be taken seriously and if you or someone you know is in a relationship you suspect is abusive, do not hesitate to get advice and help! You are not alone. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224

Sexual Assault Hotline: 1 (800) 656-4673