What I Learned About Fear During the Pandemic Crisis

Are you feeling lost and the future is nothing but a dark void? Do you feel like your life is out of control? It's ok to be honest and say it. Say it to yourself and say it to God. Covid-19 has thrown all our lives into a black hole. We have no idea what will happen tomorrow. 

I feel that. My life this year came to a full stop. One the one hand, a time of rest was a blessing. On the other hand, I felt lost and afraid of what would happen next. Thoughts such as will I get a job, where is God leading me, why has God allowed many of my friends to suffer, would I ever find a purpose, had God decided I was too much trouble and given up on me? I've never been brought to the edge of panic wondering if the threads of my life were going to unravel forever. The future felt like an impossibility (still does sometimes haha!). 

As someone who studies the Bible for a living, you might think I would be immune from such fears. But knowledge, while a great blessing and help, does not take away the emotions of living as a broken person in a broken world. Thankfully, God put good friends in my life and one story a friend reminded me of was when Israel was on the edge of entering the land God had promised to give them. There was a critical moment where these people were also on the edge of panic. 

Panic attacks at the edge of Canaan. 

Moses had finally brought Israel to the land of Canaan but he could not lead the people into it. Joshua would lead the people instead. But there were many peoples and cities already in Canaan and God was commanding Joshua to lead Israel in the battle to conquer the land and take it for themselves. The problem that scared Israel was that the people in this land were very strong. So the people complained: "Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, 'The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of the Anakim there'" (Deut 1:28-29).

I imagine Israel felt a sense of panic and despair faced with fighting stronger and bigger enemies. Were their hearts racing, did they have trouble breathing, did their muscles threaten to give out and feet go numb as they stood on the edge of Canaan and contemplated the power of the peoples they faced? "The people are greater and taller than we are. Their cities are well-built and their peoples are confident warriors. And what are we? A ragtag group of nomad ex-slaves who have spent the last 40 years in the desert. We are so weak and they are so strong." 

Fear comes from forgetting God. 

Maybe you feel the same fear about Covid? Or maybe you feel afraid of what Covid lockdowns will do to your business, school, or relationships. I remember writing and writing in my journal grumbling and asking desperate questions similar to Israel's questions. The obstacles are so big and so out of my control. I feel helpless and weak, how will I survive? 

Through Moses, the Lord responded to Israel's fear: 

Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. (Deuteronomy 1:28-31)

The book of Deuteronomy is bookended by God saying to his people, "do not be afraid" and "I will go before you" for near the end of Deuteronomy Moses again says, 

“Be strong and courageous, for you shall go with this people into the land that the Lord has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall put them in possession of it. It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:7-8)

The Lord also told Joshua personally several times, "I will not leave you or forsake you" and "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Josh 1:5, 9, 10:25). In fact, God is not simply encouraging Joshua but he is commanding him, do not fear. God follows this command with the reason, "because I am with you." God's presence is the reason there is no need to be afraid. The story ends with victory for Joshua and Israel. As God promised, he was with them and their fear was unfounded. 

One of the most repeated commands in the Bible is "do not be afraid." 

"Do not be afraid" is one of the most repeated commands in the Bible. There are a lot of things in this life to be afraid of, but God is bigger and greater than all of them. Joshua could be victorious not because he was such a strong and wise commander but because God was going before him ensuring his victory. 

The same God who went before Joshua also goes before you and me. He has already paved the future for us, even though we cannot see it. He has already overcome all the monsters of this land (John 16:33) and he has promised to always be with us (Matt 28:20). 

He has done this predominantly through Jesus. Jesus faced a terrible future, alone, going before his people so they would not have to face a terrible future. In Luke's account of Jesus' night in Gethsemane, he writes Jesus was in such mental pain he was sweating blood. He was under such stress and mental agony, his human body was reacting in ways similar to what all humans go through when under fear and anxiety. Only for Jesus, he was facing something no human being had faced in full ever before. Perhaps Jesus was having a panic attack knowing he would face the abandonment and full wrath of the Father the next day. 

Jesus kneels in the garden of Gethsemane faced with drinking the cup of God's wrath on the cross. Jesus is the sacrificial offering for the sins of his people, he would not just be facing human enemies but the wrath of God. In this, he is the one "going before" us, taking all of the guilt of sin upon himself alone in order to conquer it and with his resurrection, he conquers death and the devil. 

On the cross, the ultimate battle took place and he came out victorious. He was raised from death and ascended to heaven in the glory of victory over sin and death. He has gone before us, has fought for us, and has claimed victory for us. He has made the way into the kingdom of God through the dark valley of this life to the safety of God's eternal presence and kingdom. 

The future is certain even during a pandemic. 

So how does this inform how we think about the future during a pandemic? Just like Israel had to still enter Canaan and do battle, we still have to endure life in this broken world filled with enemies of God and things that threaten our life like killer viruses. However, God has gone before you and secured your victory over these enemies and over death itself. Even though you die in this life, your life is hidden with Christ and at death, you will only enter the safety of his presence. 

Jesus has told us, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live" (John 11:25). If you believe and trust him to be your warrior king, you are already victorious citizens of his kingdom. He goes before you so you do not need to be afraid because he carries you through the wilderness of this life to bring you to green pastures and the water of eternal life (Luke 15).

So when you are tempted to be afraid, when you look into the future and become overwhelmed, remember God has gone before you into that future, he is currently with you, and he will carry you.